If you are visiting this page because you have suffered a still birth or miscarriage, we would like to say how sorry we are for your loss. You need to allow yourself time to grieve for your baby. The emotions you will experience are incredibly powerful so be good to yourself too and don't take on anything too demanding until you feel ready. Remember grieving is a very personal process that has no time limit or "right way" to do it.
How does it affect you?
People react in different way to loss. Anxiety and helplessness often come first. Anger is also common, including feeling angry at someone who has died for "leaving you behind". Sadness often comes later.
Feelings like these are a natural part of the grieving process. Knowing that they are common may help them seem more normal. It's also important to know that they will pass.
Some people take a lot longer than others to recover. Some need help from a counsellor or therapist or their GP.
But you will eventually come to terms with your loss, and the intense feeling will subside.
How to cope with grief and loss:
There's no instant fix. You might feel affected every day for about a year to 18 months after a major loss. But after this time the grief is less likely to be at the forefront of your mind.
There are practical things you can do to get through a time of bereavement or loss:
Express yourself. Talking is often a good way to soothe painful emotions. Talking to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor can begin the healing process.
Allow yourself to feel sad. It's a healthy part of the grieving process.
Keep your routine up. Keeping up simple things like walking the dog can help.
Sleep. Emotional strain can make you very tired. If you're having trouble sleeping, see your GP.
Eat healthily. A healthy, well-balanced diet will help you cope.
Avoid things that "numb" the pain, such as alcohol. It will make you feel worse one the numbness wears off.
Go to counselling if it feels right for you - but perhaps not straight away. Counselling may be more useful after a couple of weeks or months. Only you will know when you're ready.
Need help right now?
Want to talk to someone?
Sands helpline 0808 164 3332 Monday to Friday 9.30-5.30 Tuesday and Thursday 9.30 am-9.30 pm
Griefchat on Sands website run by trained bereavement counsellors Monday to Friday 9-9 can be emailed outside of these hours . Details on Sands website
Want to find support on social media and via apps?
Hampshire Lanterns support group
Want to talk to other women and families who have been through it? Search #SandsImpact to view their online community where you can talk to other bereaved families. It also offers support for extended family members
Want to read more about it?
Tommys has lots of resources to support you after miscarriage and baby loss
Consider seeking help if any of the following apply to you:
You don't feel able to cope with overwhelming emotions or daily life
The intense emotions are not subsiding
You're not sleeping
Your relationships are suffering
You're having sexual problems
You're becoming accident-prone
You're caring for someone who isn't coping well
You can't get out of bed
You neglect yourself or your family - for example, you don't eat properly
You feel you can't go on without the person you've lost
The emotion is so intense it's affecting the rest of your life - for example, you can't face going to work or you're taking your anger out on someone else
Your GP may also be a good place to start. They can give you advice about other support services, refer you to a counsellor, or prescribe medication if needed. Or, you can contact support organisations directly, such as Cruse Bereavement Care (0808 808 1677) or Samaritans (116 123).
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